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I guess, i can finally more or less understand why she left me... Looking back into the past, happy and sad times with her, i realize i did very many selfish things. Perhaps i did take her for granted, perhaps i thought it would last forever no matter what..fat hope eh.. I must have been a stress maker than a stress reliever.. it probably build up over time without me realizing, and on that faithful day, it just gave way... It's ironic how i used to be able to lend a an ear,hand,shoulder to her during the early days in the relationship, but as it progressed further, i guess it went downhill.....
I'll play for you.
Yes, i've put back up the blog. What i did was rash and stupid. The term break has ended, and i'm still feeling all sore, hurt, lonely and depressed. I know i'm not coping very well with had happened recently. I've been doing whatever i can to take my mind off the abrupt change of events and my life schedules. I had not expected this nor even saw it coming... It just hit me right in the face.. everyday i wake up, i think of calling you, but alas, reality strikes and realise, it is no longer possible for me to do what i used to. I'm finding many ways to rant, let off steam, re-direct attention, but failing miserably. I am so stupid, why was I so stupid. I did not put in enough effort, not enough care. I neglected you, and now you're gone. This is where the phrase ' you don't realise what you've lost until it's gone ' comes in. It hurts. To all of you people out there, please treasure what you have now not take it forgranted, because once it is gone, it will never come back no matter how hard you try. I want you back Christy, back in life, back to how it used to be. I know it is impossible now, I am learning to accept the facts. But I hope you will remember, I will always love you. It has not changed since the day I met you.
I'll play for you.
Hm.. I just came back from a nice run around bukit batok. Been thinking as i ran and i find it much easier to express myself through words. Enjoy...
I'll play for you.
I am currently on a temporary separation with Christie(my girlfriend). She said she needed some breathing space after the series of stupid arguments we had last month(mostly started by me). Yes, very stupid of me. These arguments on top of her tests exhausted her which led to her decision to this. In the beginning, i felt so depressed, and asked her out on a Saturday. I did whatever i thought could salvage the situation but perhaps it had backfired on me. Instead of a week's break as she had asked for, I think it has extended indefinitely. shit. I've been having a hard time this week trying to accept it. At first, I just wanted to disappear and be not contactable. However, I couldn't bear to leave her alone like that despite the separation. I've been psyching myself up recently to have the courage to face the music. It's difficult but I do not think it is wise to remain like this forever, I still have my Uni to complete. Yet, inside me, i am still hopeful - even though our relationship has degenerated to mere friends. I caused her hurt, and I probably seem a scary boyfriend to her. I've talked to my friends and they have been very supportive. I know I used to neglect you guys when I was still together with my girl. I am so sorry, but heh, I did not want to lose her see. But in the end, :/ Anyways, I have to do some studying now, been slacking for too long. Half the term-break is already over. I've got upcoming quizzes next week and a physics test the following week's Saturday. Bye~ P.S I've also changed the layout of this blogsite coz she said it was too angsty.
I'll play for you.
I'll play for you.
I can't believe i paid so much for something that would work against me..
I'll play for you.
As of this post, i'm currently studying my mathematics! It's freaking hard! Especially with someone like me who did not have A maths background. I may have been through poly and studied engineering maths and stuff but, argh, army made me forget them. Maths is interesting but it is getting too abstract for me to understand. ><. I fail to see the purpose of studying certain topics. Seriously, what is the point of studying something if you don't know how it is going to serve you in life? I mean, before teaching something, tell the person what it can be used for and not just dump all the jargon onto the poor student. Don't some of you feel it is much easier studying something when you know how to apply it in real life? I hope lecturers would bother to explain how some maths theories help improved the world. On the bright side, i'm out of army. So yeah. HURRAY! ^^V Labels: School
I'll play for you.
Hello folks, I'm back! Recap on what has been going on in this life, 1. I left the army(YAY!!!) 2. I entered school(Yay?) 3. 1 Week left to Mid-term break(w00t8ters) 4. Trying to gain back fitness(roflz) Okay, for the first item. I left the force on 30 Jul. Hehehe! BUT!, it was not easy leaving. Here's why; My understudy came into the office around June(can't remember), I had already planned my leave then, I was very excited to see him because this means that, my time is almost up! I was all ready and prepared to pass on the knowledge that I had acquired during my stay in that place. Immediately after his interview with the Chief Clerk, I thought him things. Teaching a person SOPs is easy, but telling him how to get over the difficulties along the way is difficult. Life in that place is very Dynamic, in a bad way. As hard as you try to make things go right, it always goes left. Despite ensuring that all loopholes have been covered, SOMEONE, will make a hole. Freakin beeech. No matter what you do, how hard you try, things will go wrong. That's life in the office of Chief. 'I want in sui sui one' 'I nearly think hor, you should buck up abit lor, nearly' 'Work is Work, I know I beri niao with work' 'Fren is Fren, Work is Work' Freaking beech always emphasizes work. C'mon, WHAT do you know about work? All she ever does is tell you what she wants, even though it is practically/theoretically/morally/ wrong! Anyways, these are some of the stuff I tried teaching my understudy. As days passed, it was finally 2 more weeks before I have to go. Technically, it should be 1 week + 5days leave, but the freaking beech wouldn't let me take leave or even an Off! WTF?! seriously. Here's what happened. July 23rd(the day that my leave was suppose to commence),came to work with only Lee(my understudy) and myself. We did our work on top of the nonsense that she was pilling on top of us. The day after was racial harmony day celebration, she was making us do all the rubbish that other people who were free could do, but decided to arrow us the work instead. Both of us had to wrap stuff, paste stuff, move stuff, all the way until 7-8pm. WTF?! seriously. In addition, i was arrowed to join a group of d00ds to do some stupid Skit in front of everyone. Fuking gay, really. July24th(racial harmony day - my butt), came to work today in Civilian attire. Prep everything and went down to the rendezvous area for the celebration. My group and I were waiting anxiously for our turn to go on stage to do our skit. I couldn't wait, i just wanted to get it over and done with and hopefully be on leave the next day! Our turn came, went up, did our shit, and got 3rd. (Duh!) Everyone will win no matter how shitty you are because THERE WERE ONLY 4 GROUPS! One of the groups actually said on stage before commencing their skit," we are sorry if our skit isn't funny because we were only told about it yesterday". WAHAHAHAH ROFLORZ (Mind you the highest ranking official was there to witness everything) After all the that so called lunch, we made our way to the ferry buses to bring us to the war memorials for some history lesson. While on the bus, the Chief, called me and asked me whether I had rescheduled the meeting for one of the interviewees(she's applying for a post) because it was racial harmony day and no one can entertain her. I told her I did, and even e-mailed+sms+call her god damn assistant. The Chief said, she'd talk to me later when we reached the war memorial. At the war memorial, I tried looking for her because, as you know, I had only 3 days left. But she turned me away and said she'd call me. WTF?!?!?!?! I wanted to ask her if i could take leave as well, freaking beech. Anyways, after all that history lesson, I brought Lee and Rockey for my Leaving the Force treat at Carls Junior. Burger was good, superb, yummmy, lots of babes passing by where i sat too(One of them i thought was Rockey's girlfriend. I saw her with a guy and thought, omfg, should i tell should i should i). LOL! It wasn't his GF in the end. phew~ lucky u lol. Jul 24, I thought, wtf, I should be on leave and decided not to report to camp. LOL. AWOL!!!!! Rockey called me and asked me where I was, I said I was on leave. He was like wtf? is it? I told him, yeah~. He told me the beech was looking for me and he told her I was on urgent leave. LOL! so yeah, it was a good day, somewhat. Jul 25, I didn't come to work again, but got recalled by the beech. fuker. I sat in her office and she started telling me grandma stories like; 'you own me alot of ting' 'you're understudy hafn't sign handtake' 'you sure you teach all?' 'I wan the handtake to be suisui not like yours' Inside, i was thinking, fuk you beech, i signed 2 major handtakes already!!!!!!So, yeah, on that day, i spent most of my time asking Lee if he had problems, he said he didn't. I was glad. I came back to work again the following day, nothing much happened besides the usually nagging from the beech. Jul 27, i was wondering what the fuck was i doing back here. I was just stoning away, thinking of freedom. Jul 30, MY FUKING LAST DAY OF THIS FUKING FORSAKEN PLACE! Yes, I was in camp, even on my last day, working my ass off, what a loser! Yeah, so that basically sums up what I went through before leaving. 5days of my leave, burnt. imagine that. I entered school 1 week later.
I'll play for you.
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