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Wednesday....
Wednesday, October 17, 2007 at 2:52 PM

I've been staring at this fucking screen for the whole day since i woke up. I had been trying to study my economics for my upcoming econs test. It consists of MCQs that's about 45mins long.

I'm so fucking frustrated because I cannot seem to digest anything. All I do is stare and stare and read and read yet I am unable to make any sense out of it. All I see are letters joined together. I'm feeling really frustrated,irritated and desperate. I need to study so that I won't fail. I cannot afford to fail. So fucked.

Wednesdays used to be my favorite day. It was a day when I have alot of free time. When we both had alot of free time. But now, the free time that I have now and should be enjoying is so meaningless. So pointless, I wish i didn't have any freetime. I might be eating my own words again in the future, but at this moment, yeah, that's what I'm wishing. I'm just probably going through one of those ugly mood swings, but I feel that it is affecting me so bad I am contemplating seeing a doctor. hah.

I've asked around about what I'm currently feeling and they said it's just ur typical mood swing. I sincerely hope they are right. I was also told that seeing a doc for this is a big NoNo and a too drastic measure to be taken for now. My exams are just around the corner and I am desperate to get myself back to that normal Mikey before.

The past few days have been really gloomy for me. The mood is just not there, I can hide it well from my classmates but when I get home, it just feels like shit. No - Worse than shit. My mind is like blank, my chest feels heavy - I hope it's due to the fats. I've been trying to sweat out my stress and sadness every other day. It helps.. temporarily, but after that, it all comes back again. zzz....

I thought such events wouldn't be so painful, wouldn't have such a great impact, wouldn't affect me so much. I thought I could handle it without a hich, like it's just another day, forget everything and act as if nothing happened, or such a chapter existed in 'Michael's Life'. I can finally understand that people who toys with other people's feelings must be really cold hearted - or even heartless - and have no EQ. Just IQ. Enough IQ to mindfuck you to do their bidding and throw you away once you have served your purpose.

Sometimes I tend to try to be like them. Be cold hearted and sly. But my other self keeps telling me not to. It tells me that something good will come out of this. It tells me to stay positive. It tells me to stay strong and focus on my main priorities now.

I'm really tired. I have not been able to get any quality sleep at all recently. I must try to strengthen my mental power. I must....

I'll play for you.