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My story..for you
Saturday, November 03, 2007 at 4:34 AM

It's been a week since I was left home alone. I've been surviving but I miss you.

It's 4:30am. I have been unable to sleep even after raiding in World of Warcraft for 3hours till 12am straight. I've been infront of my computer, watching a movie. Feeling sad,lonely and angry.

As much as I want to put it all behind me, as much as all of those whom I have been leaning on for support have been telling me to let it go and move on, as much as you want me to let it, it is all but easy. It is so, perhaps because my feelings for you are still strong. It is so, perhaps because of my character. It is so, perhaps because I have loved you for so long.

I, honestly, thought that it would last as long as I live. I thought if I tried hard,worked hard and believed, it would survive even the toughest moments. I must been so delusional. Having a thought that was only possible in a book, an anime or a song. It was a thought that made me smile even when I was angry,sad or lonely - then. I would think of it and find ways to change myself or change our way of living. However, I came across a point whereby, I found it fruitless to keep changing myself or you. We were born,raised and taught to be what we are,how we think and how we look. Despite our clash in mind sets, in character, in our heart - we survived. Although perhaps, on that day, that string was stretched a little too far, it snapped. You drifted away, I tried to grab the rope. You had told me to wait a little longer before catching the rope, but I did not listen. I did what I thought was right -for myself and not for you- and grabbed the rope. It was my only chance and I had missed it.

I feel that, you are now far beyond my reach. Inside me, I still want to ride the waves and find you. Yet, another part of me is saying, it is best to let you go. Drift,sail the seas aimlessly. The world is round. The possibility of you drifting back to me is there. It is small. Maybe almost close to 0. But the chance is there. I am not counting on it. I will let things just fall into place. And if one day, in the future, you drift into my empty harbour. I will secure you with all that I have - only if I have your permission.

I am a person who finds it difficult to let go of things. I know you have tolerated this shitty trait of mine for a long time. Thank you. I've said it many times that I would change but alas, I've failed each time. However, in the near future, such a trait of mine will fade and eventually disappear.

I'm out of things to write. There's just too much to write.

Goodbye. Goodnight. I love you.

I'll play for you.